Post 119

It seems like I am constantly alone, and I don't like that.  All I've ever wanted was to fit in somewhere but it just seems like I don't fit in anywhere.  My life has been steadily going down hill ever since I graduated high school, and I don't know if it will ever get better.  I have friends but lately it seems like they don't want me around, but I feel like if I'm not around them then something bad might happen to me.  I can't bring myself to harm myself in anyway yet whenever I'm alone I constantly think about injuring myself, I get anxiety attacks, it all just builds up and I don't know how to deal with it.  When I'm with my friends its easy to ignore the feelings, but they are still there because I don't think my friends like me.  I don't try to be loud or obnoxious or do stupid things I just can't help it, it happens out of my control or knowing and I don't know how to control it.  I don't even know why I'm writing this blog post no one reads this stupid thing.  I guess I just wanted to vent my feelings but I can't do it around my friends because I'm afraid they'll make fun of me or think I'm stupid or worse yet just think I'm some moody kid looking for attention.  And maybe I can be a moody kid looking for attention  but its only because I just want people to care about me, I want to feel wanted because its a nice feeling and it seems like I never feel that way.  I just hope that I'll still have friends when I'm older, I don't wanna die alone.